Psychology

11 reasons why you need to stop helping others


Help and dedication are traits of a strong character. But sometimes our good intentions give way to ineffective attempts to help. To stop helping others is not a solution; you need to set the right boundaries of bestowal.

It has become obvious that your help and return makes you addicted, irresponsible and weak.

Sometimes it is necessary to recognize that our good intentions have become detrimental. Continuing to help people in such conditions is a simple waste of energy and strength. Remember that healthy care stimulates the growth and development of the potential of other people, and unhealthy - the opposite.

Another person violated numerous agreements, asked for help, but did not use it, as promised.

In such cases, you need to stop believing these people and not give them "second" chances, at least for a while (until you find evidence that they really use your helpfulness for their own benefit). When people use your help to avoid their own obligations, you are wasting your strength and energy, which you could invest in your development.

Because of your constant help, people stagnate at some stage of development and this makes it difficult for them to work on the necessary life and professional skills.

You can go too far with helping out so that you will do everything for people, and they will no longer manage their own growth. Healthy assistance contributes to the development of independence and life progress in others, and does not inhibit it.

Your help or return requires a lie or in some way compromises your integrity.

For example, inventing excuses for someone, or covering someone, you do not give anyone good help. Healthy help does not include deception, secrets and moral violations.

You feel that you are helping, just because you are being manipulated

Sometimes it’s obvious when others try to make you feel guilty about refusing help. Manipulation is peculiar to people who are willing to lie and use others, and you should think if you feel that something is wrong.

Helping is becoming increasingly overwhelming, given your resources.

Look for a middle ground where you can help without sacrificing your physical and mental health, your self-esteem and financial condition. Give up the opportunity to help, if you really can not afford it in any of the meanings.

Since you help a person, the relationship with him (her) has deteriorated because of the nasty feelings associated with the obligations to help

Healthy help and return should only give a long lasting positive effect on relationships with a person. And the unhealthy stretch your relationships and are fraught with the formation of conflicts.

Because of the convenience provided by your constant help, a person can continue to be physically unwell, postpone receiving professional help and avoid taking medicine.

You need to realize that when your help reduces someone else's discomfort, this also reduces their motivation to seek professional help that they really need. Better help find this person a good specialist, support the treatment, help adhere to the indications of the diet and taking medications.

Understand that this is not their life choice and they need support, because many things in treatment are difficult for them to control.

Your constant help in the group harms the corporate “culture” in which everyone helps each other; instead, others slack and use you

If you are faced with such a situation, take a moment and announce that you are retreating and making room for others to develop themselves and their skills (show them how to do things they may not have learned because of your helpfulness).

You have discovered that something that you intended as a one-time offer of help turned into a long-term commitment that you find burdensome

Remind yourself that you did not subscribe to this. If you knew what it would turn out to be, you would not initially agree, and if you retreat, you will not be a bad person because you do not have to be in such a seizure.

You are in a selfless relationship that is similar to "codependency"

This is a one-sided affinity, based on the fact that one person gives everything, and the second does not do anything. Do not allow yourself to be wasted and wasted.

You are ready to ignore the negative consequences of your help and feedback, because it makes you feel like a “good” person and look like it in the eyes of others.

Thus, you are trying to curry favor, which is not the best way to gain authority and universal love. As soon as you stop providing assistance, your identity will become secondary to these people. In addition, help should be sincere.