The question that some women often ask is: “I know that in my relationship there are problems, but should I still break up with my man? Would it really be better for me to be alone? ”
Of course, real life is not an experiment, and there is no definitive answer to this question. We can never be sure of the possible consequences of the path we choose. Whatever decision you make, it will be the one with whom you will live, and you can never know with 100 percent certainty what would have happened if you had chosen another option and would have gone the other way.
Nevertheless, there are situations where you can determine almost certainly that it is time to leave the relationship. There are specific signs of an unhealthy, toxic relationship that prevent you from reaching your full potential.
In any case, parting can be stressful. The immediate fear of the (temporary) negative effects of the gap is natural - even if you know that in the long run you will be better off. In fact, many things that are good for us in the long run require effort in the short run. For example, you want to have a slim body - for this you need to work patiently, and every morning you struggle with the reluctance to get out of bed early for exercise and then you struggle all day with the temptation to eat sweets.
Of course, we must remember that there is a big difference between deciding to end a relationship when you have been married for 35 years and deciding to leave the person after several meetings with him.
Anyway, there are seven signs that your relationship is toxic, and you should consider whether you should continue them or not.
Permanent "if only"
If you, your men, or both of you are constantly thinking about “if only ...” if there is a constant feeling that relationships can be satisfactory, if only certain things change fundamentally, this is a bad sign.
Yes, many relationships go through that phase when things seem to be not quite right, but there are also relationships that constantly seem to be different - they always want to be fixed, and true satisfaction from relationships seems to be simply unattainable. A couple in such a relationship begins to live in a hypothetical and possibly unattainable future, and not “here and now,” which excludes the possibility of true happiness.
Your relationship seems 90 percent normal, but the remaining 10 percent is what annoys you every day and never seems completely solvable? Sometimes this can be a sign that you are just the wrong person.
You don't feel understood
Perhaps you feel that you are loved only under certain conditions, or you are trying to be different from the fact that a man loves you. This can interfere with true emotional intimacy, and over time you will feel empty. The idea that your partner will not truly love the "real" you, makes you afraid to be yourself.
Perhaps you are pretending to be someone you are not, hiding an important part of your personality, or even feigning interest in certain hobbies or activities just to please the man. Moving along this path, you feel that your man really does not know and does not understand you.
These types of emotional disconnections can lead to deep loneliness, which, ironically, can make you feel even more isolated than if you were alone.
It seems to you, your man squeezes all the juice out of you, even if in fact it does not happen
In any relationship, there are times when one partner takes more than it gives; equal and perfect reciprocity can rarely be maintained constantly. In a healthy relationship, the balance is flexible, and the parties do not calculate profit and loss.
Nevertheless, in a number of relationships, it may seem to one person in a pair that the other is sucking all the juice out of him, even if he really doesn’t do anything.
When you are always disappointed in a man, and you feel that you need to rest from him much more often than to be with him - this is a sign that the relationship is not in order. Perhaps this is something reparable, but if you find it difficult to cope with it and sometimes you don’t even try to do it, it may be a sign that being with a man is more burdensome for you than being alone.
You hide many details about your man from friends and family
Perhaps you are hiding the fact that your man is addicted to alcohol or hush up, as he really refers to others. Perhaps you are ashamed to admit how often you quarrel or that you have lost confidence in your man.
If you find that you are creating a distant portrait of your man for those around you and describe him as who he is not - this is a sign that your man does not meet your standards and he is not exactly who you are proud of.
You hope that the man will change significantly before you have a future with him
You may have spent years building a future with your man in your head. However, there is a risk that you presented your man not as he is, but as an improved version. In your imagination, your man magically becomes more ambitious, kinder or more economic, for example. You imagine that, finally, you will be ready to get engaged to your man and connect your life with him when he becomes more responsible and faithful.
Don't fall into the trap of your fantasies. Do not take the version of the person you have invented for reality. Ask yourself if you love the person who is with you here and now in all its manifestations? This is a much more important indicator.
You are often forced to ask forgiveness for who you are.
If you often have to apologize to your partner for who you are, this is a warning sign that should be taken seriously. Do not you think that for your man you are always not good enough or that you will never meet his standards?
To put it bluntly, this is a clear sign of controlling relationships. But even in milder forms, your psyche can be severely damaged if your man makes you think that your very existence implies doing “wrong” actions. A bad sign may be the fact that your man constantly rejects your desires and dreams.
Do you dream to live freely, the way you want to live, without criticism from the outside and without a sense of guilt? So why do you keep yourself from this freedom?
Conflicts never end and go "not by the rules"
Numerous studies have shown that it is not the very existence of conflict in relations that matters, but rather how the couple behaves in conflict and. This characteristic is able to predict how happy your relationship will be with time.
If your quarrels are toxic and mean, if they are built on lies, name-calling and humiliation of each other, if with each argument the indignation only grows, and the problem remains unresolved, if the quarrel in the relationship is not seen as an opportunity to resolve differences, but rather, as an opportunity to harm each other and get a blank check on anger - then you are in a very unhealthy relationship.
If both of you are not interested in working together on problems in a relationship, it’s unlikely that everything will magically change overnight.