People go to self-destruction to avoid negative assessments from others. They do not want to tell people what they really want to tell them. They don't talk in class or in meetings. They avoid talking with their beloved about true desires. They do not want to be on top. They will not tell their sweethearts where they would like to have dinner.
This fear of judgment is always connected with the desire to love everyone. But since this is impossible - the game is lost in advance and it makes people constantly experience and express their true "I."
Let's face it: people always judge others - good / bad or like / dislike with a lot of nuances. And as new information arrives, the human mind overestimates: it is a continuous process.
Instead of avoiding a problem, saying nothing about your preferences and working overtime, trying to form a social circle in life, so that people don't judge you, you can work to accept this process.
Here are four ways to stop living in the "fear of judgment":
Nothing lasts forever
The reality is that the human brain has limited data reserves. Although we can judge, they are not significant enough to get a place in our memory forever. Therefore, when someone condemns you, most likely, after some time, the person will leave his conscious opinion. We build our understanding of people, not their minor mistakes or failures that we observe. We create a pattern based on what they say and do, patterns of how they interact with us.
Judgment is inevitable
Stop trying to control the judgments of others. To demand that others not judge us become a part of us.
Think about popular similarity statements: “Without convictions” and “This is a zone without convictions.” None of this will help: you cannot control what others think. Perhaps they will not express their opinions, but this does not mean that they can stop the physiological brain process. Instead, try explaining how you feel so that people can understand and sympathize with you. Empathy is kryptonite judgment. When it is present, the conviction has little weight.
Let them condemn!
It may be freedom in the intimate plan to allow the convictions to exist. Instead of stopping yourself to be open and vulnerable or sharing something negative, but important about yourself, do it, anyway. This is what I dedicated my book “Building Self-Assessment. 5 steps. If you notice that you are holding back because of the fear of being condemned, ask yourself: “What condemnation will there be in my direction if I open up?” And “I’m really afraid if I’m convicted?” As soon as you identify fear, try to calm yourself or find a way to control fear. Remind yourself that intimate and intimate relationships become deeper when people risk being convicted. If this openness does not occur, it does not necessarily mean that you did something wrong. But this may mean that the person with whom you work does not have the capacity for emotionally close relationships.
Pay attention to your own convictions.
There is no better way to care less about the judgments of others than to judge yourself and others less. Of course, judgment is inevitable, but watch the language, talking about the people and events in your life. Change the purpose of your judgments: instead of "Yes, she went" or "He is a loser", ask yourself how people influence you, what information you want to avoid or know in the future. For example: "She never fulfills her obligations towards me" or "He tells me that he is trying, but everything always ends in my disappointment." Move away from the good and bad traits of the people in your life to what is healthy and unhealthy for you.