A bachelor and a married guy come into a bar (no, they are not a priest and a rabbi). Married looks like he survived one of the darkest wars of our time. He is nervous, tired and exhausted. A chain with a weight is fastened to his ankle, and it gets harder and harder with every sip of beer that he drinks.
The bachelor looks at his friend with anxiety on his face. Here the telephone of the married man rings and his eyes become large. He scrolls through the entire day passed in his head, trying to understand, or he did something wrong. He takes another sip of beer and pushes the phone aside, setting aside the inevitable quarrel for later. He looks at his friend and sighs: “My wife is like that ...” (and then insert a bad word).
Marriage is one of the most exciting things a woman will do in her life. But what happens if you turn from a bride with burning eyes to a aching, unhappy, offended wife? Is there a way to learn how to be a good wife, change, when you are already in this situation and are asking yourself “how did this happen?”
The answer is yes, and it assumes opposition to all existing stereotypes. How to stop being the wife he complains about and become the one to which he rushes home after work.
This is the most common stereotype about his wife, and the first thing his friends teased him at a bachelor party. However, this stereotype is not without reason, and I probably will not be popular among the female half of society when I say that women grumble at their husbands ... and often.
Imagine a little mosquito buzzing in your ear that follows you, bites you and never leaves you alone. Do you really want to be this mosquito?
“Take your wet towels with you!”
“Why did you scatter your clothes on the floor?”
“Are you really picking on this stupid car again?”
“Why are you leaving with friends?”
"Are you really going to wear this?"
Just imagine that your husband has been following you all day, yelling at you as if you were in one of those prisons in “Misadventures abroad.” You would sit in a bar, drink cosmopolitan like Carrie Bradshaw (from "Sex and the City"), complain to your friends that your husband constantly grumbles at you.
What you should do instead: show your appreciation! Your husband may have scattered his clothes all over the floor, but can he take out the trash this morning or cook you breakfast? Maybe he is really good with children or was just adorable in bed last night.
Expressing gratitude to your husband, you actually improve his behavior more than chagrin, because he will try to justify the amazing guy you see him. And not only that, but the more you appreciate it, the better it will look in your eyes, because you are more focused on its positive qualities.
Stop complaining about trifles
"It's so boring."
"This apartment is so small, I hate it."
"The weather is just a nightmare, my hair will spoil."
“The food here is terrible, why did you choose this restaurant?”
One of the biggest problems for men is a woman with a bad mood, and it is easy to understand why. Remember the evil stepmother in Cinderella? She was an absolute sadist! You did not see the men lining up for her, did you? Not. The prince wanted a sweet, kind, gentle Cinderella.
What you should do instead: it looks like a display of appreciation to your husband, but in this case you need to work on showing appreciation and gratitude for life in general. Look inside yourself and rummage in the emotions. Ask yourself why you are so unhappy and negative all the time. Constant complaints have nothing to do with the person in your life, and everything is connected with what you feel inside.
How can you show a little gratitude for life? You could have a gratitude notebook, which will always be your adviser, but I also recommend a gratitude stone. Keep a small pebble in your pocket or purse, and every time you touch it, think of something that you are grateful for.
Don't cling to your husband
You are not a food film, so stop sticking to your husband as if he were the remnants of food after dinner. Women are told again and again that they must be independent and have a life of their own, but it is surprising that many do not apply this recommendation in their relationship.
When men marry, they tend to feel very comfortable and may not give you so much attention or do so many grand, romantic acts. But if you have already thought about this, the fact that he considers your relationship so stable and safe that he can feel comfortable is in fact a kind of romantic. (However, if he thinks about comfort, sitting all day on the couch in dirty sweatpants and playing video games, you have my full permission to stand up and tell him to lift his ass).
When women marry, they very quickly begin to think of themselves as “we” and completely forget about “me.” You are still an individual person, and you must not forget this.
What you should do instead: try to do something on your own, at least a couple of times a week, be it a walk with friends or have a favorite hobby such as taxidermy or playing ukulele.
Make your mission just to be happy.
This is a rather intense occupation, because it means that you have to be smiling and flawless 24/7. You can sometimes mourn or refer to your PMS, but if you are unhappy every day, it will make you a person with whom no one wants to mess with, let alone your husband.
To learn to be a good wife, it is important to bring something into your relationship - and this includes a happy and cheerful attitude in most cases. But just do not expect that it is your husband’s job to always amuse you; your happiness is your own responsibility.
Men feel most successful in their marriage and life if they know that their wife is happy, and they will do everything possible to make this a reality. However, your husband will experience more and more stress if he can never make you happy, and he can completely step aside.
What you should do instead: make a list of all the things that make you happy. (If this includes a bottle of wine - no one will judge.) You may be surprised at how much time has passed since you made something from this list.
Do not behave like a woman who is always dissatisfied with everyone
Come closer to the mirror to see "a woman who is forever dissatisfied with everyone!" She is the most terrible character in this strange show, because no one can understand what she wants and no one can understand when she breaks. She stands behind metal bars, her eyes wild and crazy, foaming at the mouth.
Her husband is suitable, presenting her with two options: Italian or Mexican dinner. She tells him to choose, and suddenly the cell explodes. He chose spaghetti, but she really wanted, damn, taco.
Men always complain that they simply cannot please their wives. This usually happens because women obviously do not tell men what they really want. Men do not read all the signals you are trying to give them; This includes subtle hints, smoke bombs, and maybe even fireworks.
What you should do instead: just tell him what you want for dinner! He will be happy because he will feel that he is satisfying to you, and you will finally be happy because you get what you want.
Do not refuse sex
We could not see a list of complaints in which men complain about their wives without mentioning sex. If you read this and think: “Wait, I always start sex! I'm a sex monster! My husband is always satisfied in bed! ”, Then feel free to skip this item.
However, there are many women who put sex very low on their list of priorities. It is clear that you need to raise children, schedule meetings, do work and clean up the house. But without making sex one of your priorities, you tell your husband that he is not important to you.
Physical intimacy is extremely important for men, so that they feel intimacy with their wives and are satisfied with the relationship. Women tend to feel connected, using their emotions, words, and quality time together, but men feel connected through sex and affection.
What you should do instead: have sex tonight. If not tonight, then include this item in the schedule for this week. Moreover, plan a whole night of dates and present your husband a happy “end”. In your relationship there was a time when you could not get enough of each other; Do your best to go back to that time.
Do everything in your power not to leave yourself
Do you read this when you sit in the same sports pants that you wear for three days in a row? Have you missed a gym lately and eat a lot of junk food? You may be angry that I just asked these questions because it doesn’t matter to you, right? Yes, but looks also matter.
How many times have we been told that humans are visual creatures? By launching yourself and not making any effort to look beautiful, you tell your husband that his opinion of you does not matter. The fact that you are not trying to look like this tells the whole world that you do not care about yourself enough to just dress well and comb your hair.
What you should do instead: if you allowed yourself to get away from yourself, then you stopped taking care of yourself. Do your best to take care of yourself, mentally and physically. For example, cycling or bubble bath. Look at Pinterest for ideas for new outfits or makeup. Taking care of yourself not only improves your appearance, but also provides additional benefits, making you happier.