My friend Sveta divorced her husband exactly a month ago. She divorced officially - she took the conclusion from the court that the marriage had been dissolved, and wept in her own car, including the song, to which she and her ex-husband danced their first wedding dance.
Svetkina history is as old as the world: the husband went to another, telling her about this decision like a snow on his head. And everything was good, and they almost didn’t swear, and helped each other, went on vacation, planned a future together and had sex 3 times a week. And then on you - and it turned out that Misha had long fallen out of love with the Light and could not continue to pretend that everything was normal.
At first, Svetka did not believe and denied everything, then she begged her husband not to leave her and crawled on his knees before him, then she could not realize that all this was happening to her, and then Misha said that he filed for divorce and Svetlana was depressed. That one, when you do not see anything around, you look at one point, you lose 10 kilograms, you poluplesh, you sleep halfway and you only want one thing - to throw yourself from the balcony or swallow pills. Everyone assured Sveta that her condition was absolutely normal and natural for such a situation, that all this must be experienced, wept, suffered, and then with our head held high to go on.
But Sveta's problem was somewhat deeper - she did not blame the male dog in everything, but herself. Too fat, not happy 24 hours a day with exquisite clothes and make-up fully armed, did not agree to have three sex, did not like his friends, gave too little affection and care, cooked borscht not at all like his mother. Every day Svetkina, the feeling that she ruined the marriage with her own hands, grew stronger. In a surprising way, Misha turned out to be holy and innocent, and in such a way that he simply ran off to another woman from an intolerable wife.
How familiar is this situation to many women. And, at times, it is very difficult to understand and accept that if a man has fallen out of love, there is no point in looking for the guilty. This reality, the course of life, fate, which simply must be accepted. Usually, women take on two roles: either make themselves cause all misfortunes, or pretend to be a victim, hating the traitor in every possible way and throwing mud at him at every turn.
These are the two extremes that do not bring anything but their own destruction. Relationships are always two people, and divorce is the result of the actions of two spouses, not just one. You are adults, self-sufficient people, and to take the decision on someone one is just the height of stupidity. The decision to part is always made by both partners, and this decision is balanced and well thought out.
It is impossible to fall out of love at one moment, but you can ignore and close your eyes not disturbing bells and changing attitudes, which many of us do. The problems leading to divorce always begin much, much earlier than when the husband declares his mistress and packs things.
There is one more side of the coin - remember that you are not guilty of anything. Not with anything. Men do not leave because of cellulite, tasteless borscht or the harmful nature of the wife, because we are not loved in parts, but entirely. Men leave when problems cannot be solved, and only one way out remains.
But, dear women, do not look for reasons in yourself, do not try to change what you think he did not like. You are you, and it was your uniqueness that once attracted him. And the fact that he has stopped loving you is only his problems. It's not about you, it's about it. This is the philosophy of life, in order to understand that, you need a lot of time and a lot of wisdom.
By the way, my girlfriend Svetka could still separate the cutlets from the flies, figure herself out and start building her life. “Nobody is a goat, it just happened that way”, is her catchphrase when people ask why they divorced Misha. And this is true truth, because only a truly mature person is able to understand, analyze and draw the right conclusions in order to ensure his own happy future.