Yes, I know, you were in such a situation: too many of us support for our girlfriends when the topic of husbands rises.
I am here to tell you that I have finally learned to hold my sharp tongue, because for me the damage done by my words is definitely not worth it. Especially when my words strongly influence my marriage or any other close relationships in my life. No matter how much emotion, anger or disappointment I feel at any given moment, the idea of saying something negative that my husband rejects or denies makes me feel really sad.
What caused laughter in the women's company remains in the women's company, but you are still responsible for how you react to and interact with your husband. Frankly, add a little sympathy to your tone when communicating with him. Repeated rudeness addressed to your man, even accidental, will eventually cause serious problems in marriage.
Here are five phrases that undermine your man’s confidence (and your relationship):
1. "What's wrong with you?"
Honestly, this is how to chop off his manhood. Saying a joke is one thing, but when you answer with this phrase because your husband forgot to buy milk on his way home, I can assure you that he will never offer to buy milk again.
Attacking someone with words is a secondary way to express your feelings. If you are upset that he forgot to do the “one thing” that you asked him to do, try saying: “I know that you didn’t want to, but when you forget what I asked you, I feel that my requests do not have values for you. Please make an effort and remember this next time. ”
2. “What were you thinking about ?!”
When your husband comes home and tells you about a situation at work that has turned against him, he is looking for sympathy and support, not some kind of devaluing criticism.
You are allowed to disagree with how your husband handles this or that situation, but if he didn’t ask your opinion, just support him. However, if he asks for your opinion, it means that he is looking for a solution to the problem, and not a bad joke.
Instead, try saying, “Well, if it were me, I probably would have done ...”
Say it simply and without judgment.
3. "Is that all you did?"
Listen, in an ideal world, our husbands read our thoughts every time. But this is not real in the real world. If you are expecting something from your husband and do not formulate it, stick to your assumptions, and not be disappointed in it.
Your husband offered to help you put children's rooms in order while you go to the market. You come home and see that his offer to get out is that he stuffs blankets on the second floor of the children's bed and puts all the toys in the other side of the room. In your head, you can imagine what your six-year-old son could do better.
However, he did not know what “cleaning of children's rooms” means to you. So try saying the following: “I really appreciate you suggesting cleaning their rooms. I understand that I made a mistake without specifying where to put the toys and how to fill the blankets, so next time I will be more specific. Thanks for your help! It means so much to me. ”
4. “Stop Touching Me!”
Clap. We all know this: the husband wants to spend a stormy night with you, and you would prefer to stick the needles in the eyes after a child's cry, causing vomiting and a busy day. But guess what? You have the right to choose the pause button in response.
But instead of simply rejecting or embarrassing him, answer with a kiss or a hug (throw the fucking bone to the guy) and say: “Dear, I just need some rest so that I can really stay with you.”
He is not stupid: he will understand this clue. The only caveat is that this does not mean that you will receive a free ticket to the gym for a week. You are as responsible for your sexual relationship as he is, so do any tricks that will make you feel ready for sex, and then let him know when you are capable and ready.
5. “You're pathetic.”
Oh! Ladies, it's so cool not to tell anyone (almost always). How old are you? Children say this when they feel anger, resentment, sadness, frustration, etc. Communicate with him as adults.
Your husband just said something that (for you) sounded aggressive and critical, but the answer should not be the same. Be an adult and say bluntly: “I’m sad when you talk to me like that. If you are angry or upset about what I have done, then talk to me as with your half, and do not press me to the wall with your own words. "
So here are my five examples for you. Think about how you talk to your husband. Is it time to fine tune the connection? Be respectful, be grown up and, for the love of God, be kind.