The path of the spouses to divorce, as a rule, is accompanied by understatement and lack of communication. The following are the worst phrases that can be said in a marriage, as well as what to say instead of them.
"You look ridiculous"
One might think that this way the partner overreacts to any unexpected changes at work. But if you want to keep the relationship healthy, you have to struggle to understand the point of view of your partner.
If he does not feel that he is allowed to openly express his thoughts and feelings, this will cause him a feeling of resentment and moral decay, which, in turn, will lead to the destruction of your connection. Instead of humiliating your partner’s feelings, try to understand why he is doing this. Tell him: "Help me understand why you react so violently?"
"I do not care anymore"
When one or both spouses cease to be interested in each other’s actions, this is a clear sign on the way to divorce. Such a phrase, thrown to your partner to check it, says a lot.
This is just a stupid way to create the appearance of interest. It is best to take a deep breath and decide what you feel. If you really don't care, this is a problem. But if you are just tired of fighting, discuss this issue and clarify the situation.
“You never help me at home”
Whatever the problem, you aggravate the situation by allowing the words “always” or “never” to be present in a conversation with your spouse.
This is your partner’s unlimited blame for all problems: yesterday’s, today's, and even those that have not yet come. Most often, it focuses more on blaming your spouse than on finding solutions to a problem. Instead, you should stay directly in the situation and focus on finding the reason why your spouse does this.
“If you had not forgotten to drop by the dry-cleaner, I would not have had to shout at you.”
There may be another reason instead of dry-cleaning, but anyway, this is a problem you are arguing about. Whatever it is, your reaction will only cause resentment from your partner.
He takes a defensive position and withdraws into himself. The best way to communicate here is to express your feelings, not blame your husband. Say something like, “I'm a little hurt that you forgot to pick up my clothes, because I'm worried about tomorrow's presentation. It’s important that my costume is ready. ”
When you say “nothing” or withdraw from a partner, your marriage may suffer worse losses than from any other phrase in this list. Suspension occurs when one of you moves away from an interaction or dispute and closes from what the other wants to say to him.
The removal of one of the spouses breaks the relationship at the root. This contributes to misunderstanding and prevents you from solving any kind of problems that you may have. It can also be a sign of disrespect, which in turn can destroy your marriage.
Do not build a wall, but act directly, discussing what bothers you. An uncomfortable and unpleasant conversation may take place, but it will help solve your problems, unlike “nothing.”
"I want a divorce"
Did you think that the word “divorce” would not appear on this list? The threat of divorce, even if you really do not want it, will end your marriage. If this is a threat, and not a carefully thought-out decision, your marriage may derail, and you will not be ready to accept it.
If in reality you are not ready to part, do not say these words! If you are angry or upset with your spouse, instead of threatening to divorce, try to go for a walk or visit the gym. Clear your thoughts. When you return, you will be in the best mood for such conversations.
“I don't have to tell you where I'm going.”
Your spouse should not always and everywhere follow you, but there must also be no need for secrecy.
What could be worse than not being able to tell your spouse where you were? This is a clear signal that you do not respect him enough to be frank. And the best way to avoid a divorce is to be honest and frank.
"Why can't you be more like him?"
Stop making comparisons with other people's husbands. The husband of your colleague Marianna can order tables every week in new-fashioned restaurants and send huge bouquets of flowers for her birthday, but you are not married to her husband Marianna.
To belittle your spouse comparing it with other men is a low blow. No man wants to hear that he is somehow worse than your mutual friend. It will oppress him.
Instead of comparing, try to evaluate what your spouse does for you. This will only add motivation to be better for you. The reproaches that your spouse is not doing or cannot do anything for you will definitely not encourage him to take action.
“I wish I had never met you”
There is hardly anything worse than this phrase. It is especially detrimental because it accuses your partner of all the undesirable events that have happened in life since your first meeting. It means that the bad far exceeds all the good that you had, and that all this is the fault of your spouse.
Before you allow these words to come off your lips, think about the role you played so that your relationship is now so unsatisfactory. Always consider the current situation or circumstances and try to understand how you yourself could contribute to the development of the problem. Relationships should focus on what you have here and now.