Relations between women do not always develop as smoothly as we would like, especially when it comes to mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Often a large amount of hostility comes from the mother-in-law towards his son's wife. In this case, the pressure will be not only the daughter-in-law, but also the son himself, who will have to be torn between the two main women in his life. Actually, for the sake of this man, women will have to learn to negotiate, even if it will be necessary to push their principles into the background. Many women ask the question "Why does the mother-in-law not love me?" An unequivocal answer to this question does not exist, but it should be remembered that this hostility does not have a personal relationship with you, but concerns absolutely all candidates for the role of a wife for your son.
How to live with your husband's family, if you do not like
In fact, a woman marries a loving man, not his family. But it often happens that the relationship between two lovers spoil against the background of the constant turmoil of the sister-in-law with her mother-in-law. Here the main thing is to keep calm and not to succumb to provocations that can lead you to conflict.
If the young couple is going to live in the house of the mother-in-law, then the unwelcome situations of the young daughter-in-law cannot be avoided. Try to listen to the opinion of the husband's mother, smoothing out all the "corners". Believe me, my husband will appreciate your efforts, and will love you even more.
Why the mother-in-law doesn't love the daughter-in-law - where did it come from
Often a woman is so attached to her son that she considers him the main man of her life, especially if her personal life for some reason did not work out. Therefore, when a young person appears in the life of her son, with whom he intends to build a strong family, the mother does not want to “give up” her son to another woman. It seems that she purposely tries to spoil the relationship of the newlyweds, but why? There are several reasons for frequent conflicts between two women:
- jealousy. Mother clearly understands that very soon the son will leave the family, which is for her some loss. By nature, a woman is more emotional, because of what is sometimes not able to soberly look at things. Often the mother-in-law from scratch finds fault with her sister-in-law, simply because she finds it difficult to accept the feeling of loss;
- excessive exaggeration of the merits. Wanting to find the best girl in the world for her son, a mother subconsciously pushes away all his companions. She is sure that her “golden” child deserves only the very best, and even the Queen of Great Britain is no good for him;
- biological reason. At about the time when her children grow up and create their families, the woman's body undergoes serious hormonal changes, which affects her mood and behavior. Therefore, excessive nagging and bitterness can be justified by biological changes that the woman is not able to control.
How to understand that mother-in-law does not love you
Women, in principle, hard to get along with each other because of excessive emotionality. What then to speak about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? It would seem that you are not doing anything wrong, do not interfere in the relationship of mother and son, but the mother-in-law thinks otherwise.
On a subconscious level, she regards you as the main competitor, competing with you absolutely in everything, starting with cooking, and ending with taking care of your son. There are several obvious reasons why the mother-in-law is not enthusiastic about his daughter-in-law.
1. Indicates errors in the presence of a son. Thus, the mother-in-law tries to show him that only a mother can truly take care of him. Usually the focus is on cooking, cleaning and even on the “wrong” ironed shirt.
2. Often comes to visit. The mother-in-law is sure that her son’s house is her territory, where she can do anything. With her frequent visits, she elementary tries to bring the daughter-in-law into a conflict in which only a young wife will be guilty.
3. Suspicion of infidelity. Each companion of her son is “unworthy” for her, especially if he is not the first in a girl. The mother-in-law will not miss the opportunity to remind his son of this, hinting to him that even now he may not be the only one.
4. Not satisfied with the position of the daughter. No matter how much a girl works, a lot or a little, she still remains “extreme.” She either earns little, or almost does not give her husband time.
5. Compares with the previous passions of the son. When she came to visit, the mother-in-law would not miss the opportunity to tell her son about her friend Vera, a clever woman, a beauty who had once been in love with her son, and surely still loves him. And he is a fool, he did not marry a "one."
Why does the mother-in-law not love my children — their grandchildren?
In fact, for each grandmother her grandchildren are like “second children,” but this is by no means always the case. Often the mother-in-law treats her son’s children with some kind of indifference, while her daughter’s children are more akin to her than everyone else in the world. Why is this injustice? Some grandchildren are relatives, and others, it turns out, no?
Such inequality is tied to the biological level. The daughter's children are the blood and flesh of their family, and therefore, their relatives. As for the grandchildren of the son, the mother-in-law always doubts whose child it is. She cannot be completely sure that the born grandson is the fruit of the seed of their "breed."
How to improve relations with the mother-in-law or restore neutrality
If it so happens that your relations with the mother-in-law, to put it mildly, “do not stick”, then at least for the sake of the husband you need to start taking the first steps towards reconciliation. Perhaps your mother-in-law will not be able to come to terms with the fact that her son chose you, but at least you will learn to control your emotions, and not to succumb to provocations. A few simple rules will help you learn to find a common language with your husband's mother:
- listen to her advice. Do this at least when she is nearby. By following her “lessons,” you will show her your respect, and perhaps she will appreciate it;
- calmly respond to all comments. She is trying at all costs to bring you into conflict, to show your son your imbalance. With a smile, thank her for all the comments, and in time she will simply get tired of trying to piss you off;
- ask her opinion. Your business is to ask, but it is not necessary to carry out what was said by the mother-in-law. Let her feel that you are really interested in her opinion;
- offer your help. If you are with your family visiting her mother-in-law, then try to offer her your help with the housework. In some places you can cheat and pretend that something is not working out for you - let her hold a real “master class”.
Whatever your relationship with the mother-in-law, try not to aggravate the situation. Be interested in her opinion, ask for help and listen to her advice. Sometimes you have to forget about your own principles, but remember that you do all this just for the sake of your family’s well-being.