Relations

What is a microchange and how to understand that you made it


Microchange is a new concept, which means small actions on your part, leading you to real treason. It is not even necessarily a physical betrayal, but a microchange may force you to do something you regret. By the way, some people say that such seemingly unserious betrayal is even more painful than physical betrayal.

“Microversion happens when you yourself create all the conditions for a gentle relationship, but not with your partner,” explains sex and relationship specialist Tammy Nelson, author of the book New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Treason. This may occur in the absence of your partner or even right in front of his eyes, but he will not understand what you are changing. If micro-change becomes a habit, then it can grow into something more and lead to serious problems. So, how to recognize this fine line between polite communication and microchange.

Warning signs

You play with fire, if you don’t dress like you always do, when you know that you’ll see a certain person, you don’t always tell your partner with whom you went to a cafe after work or lie to him, keeping silent about a particular situation. For example, you always put “likes” and comment on photos of some man in Instagram (and this man is clearly not Brad Pete) or you start to take your relationship not so seriously if you suddenly get acquainted with an attractive man.

This is just harmless entertainment, you say. Yes, we agree with that ... but to a certain extent. In every relationship, there is a face, crossing which will be considered that you have changed. Microchange means that you think about the attention of a stranger, and this is a red flag for your ongoing relationship. What motivation can you have to make your lips shine brightly, because you know that a stunning handsome man will come to work today? What would your partner feel if he knew that you are making extra efforts for the sake of a stranger or that you delete text messages out of fear that your partner will read them?

Microchange is an absolute prohibition if you had any relations with this person. If you have met or slept together, do not even think about flirting. Forget about this idea. Point.

And what if you suspect your partner of micro-change? Recognizing this without any hints will not be easy. But if you intuitively feel that this is the case, just bring your partner to an honest conversation, tell him how you feel.

Say: “It seems to me that you have some kind of connection with this girl, that is, if I were with you, I would be uncomfortable in your presence. Do you have any feelings for her? ” If you have concrete evidence, then you can say: "When I see how you comment on the photos of this girl, I worry about us." If he does not give a damn about you and your relationship, then he will try to fix everything as soon as possible. If he dismisses you and does not take your words seriously, this is a reason to think.

Pay a favor to both of you.

Straight talk about microchanges can help revive your relationship. Experts explain that sometimes such actions are not so much an attraction to another person as the desire to become a different person. Such microchanges can help to feel welcome again. If you tell your partner about the reasons for your actions, it may cause him a feeling of healthy competition. However, if jealousy can restore relationships for a while, care and love will permanently strengthen your connection. In other words, sincerely express your feelings and then you will only look at each other with loving eyes.