This is rarely discussed openly, but many married men who have twisted on the side of the novel, feel a sense of guilt because of their infidelity. It is regardless of whether they know about the betrayal of their wife or not.
5 men decided on a frank conversation about their experiences because of extramarital relations, about how this situation prompted (or did not induce) them to become better husbands and fathers. Some of the men experienced temporary repentance for their misconduct, while others were more worried about the fact of disclosing the truth about their infidelity. All these revelations helped to clearly demonstrate the whole range of emotions experienced by a man who decided to commit adultery.
"After that, I felt dirty."
“Every time I told myself that this was the last time, this was the last time. I will not do this anymore, ”says 41-year-old Mikhail, who cheated on his wife for 20 years. However, keep the promise failed. The man says that in recent years he has become clearly aware that he has erotomania.
“I never thought about confessing a love affair on the side, because I was not sure how it would be perceived, and I would feel guilty. And I was afraid of it. But after every time I cheated, I felt dirty. Although I continued to do it. This is not like the feeling of guilt that you feel if cheating occurred only once. This happened several times. But, like any drug addict, you stop and go through the so-called sobriety period. But the urge is. "
“I had mixed feelings”
“I had no intention of outsourcing or leaving my wife. I had mixed feelings. I had a woman with whom I could talk, who did not create any problems for my marriage and my long-term relationship on the side, ”says Sergey. He had an affair with a colleague that began after he started telling her about the constant stress at work. Then he turned into something deeper, which he did not expect at all. “At first, it was a real relief to feel that there is someone with whom I can talk. But I did not know how to end it. Every day I worried that this would be known either to my wife or to my mistress. On the one hand, I can tell the girl with whom I had an affair that everything is over and continue a long relationship, but what worries me most is that if I do this, she will find out about my long relationship and tell everything about my ex wife, and then I will be alone. "
“In fact, I do not regret my betrayal at all”
48-year-old Eugene and his wife cheated on each other throughout the 13 years of marriage. Although he regrets how their relationship developed, the man says that he got so angry because of his wife’s deception that he really doesn’t feel anything for her.
“I don’t regret anything and don’t adhere to love affairs. Because if I did not stay, I would not have my daughter, she is my world. No regrets. Although everything could go much more smoothly. "
“I don't know if I could do it differently.”
“Honestly, I don't want my marriage to be broken. I love my wife. She is a good person and reliable partner. If we had sex, then there would be no problems at all, ”says Andrei. He and his wife lived an ordinary marriage, in which there was virtually no sexual intimacy, because she dealt with her mental problems. Meanwhile, Andrei began an affair on the side.
“Duty sex with my wife once a month caused discomfort so much that it was difficult to perform. I thought that maybe I need to see a doctor. As soon as I started a novel on the side, I realized that I was in perfect order. I realized how much I miss this part of my life. Now my wife and I are consulting with a specialist. I wish I could reach that awareness in which I am now without having to go through all this, but I’m not sure if I could do it in any other way. ”
“I regretted it. But only after my deception was revealed. ”
Dmitry has never been true in any of the relationships in which he was a member. He even started cheating on his wife before they got married. Until he was caught the second time, and his wife began to notice that he had problems. Then he immediately turned to a specialist who diagnosed his sexual addiction.
“Of course, I'm sorry. For so long I tried to hide it and not experience uncomfortable emotions that I do not remember that I spend time in regrets and remorse. At that time it was not clear to me, but the reason why I began to change was that I was fundamentally unhappy, but I could not express it. As soon as the so-called feeling of intoxication passed, of course, there was a feeling of guilt, shame and remorse, but then I again began to realize that I wanted to experience this feeling again. I'm sure I felt guilty. But, if you asked me about it then I would answer you "no."
Although Dmitry did not feel guilty then, he is experiencing it now. “The first step to overcoming this sense of guilt and shame was to put an end to all this. Give my wife the opportunity to respond to that. What I feel now is as hard as the feeling of guilt I feel. And the feeling of shame, which I now worry about what I did, was much stronger even before I confessed to her. ”