A man who does not appreciate the relationship in a relationship
Why are you in a relationship?
- To avoid loneliness?
- Get a residence permit?
- Grow rich?
- Constantly have sex?
- Have children?
We hope not. But this happens, and it is not bad. It is simply not ideal for creating emotional attraction and emotional connection.
So why do we need a relationship?
For communication. Yes, this is not always the case. In fact, many people start a “relationship” to get everything they can from a person. Although this is not a relationship. It is rather a mockery.
Find a man who wants to get in touch with you. It should be clarified: you do not need a man who is ready to call you more often than usual. The frequency of calls is not an indication of whether he appreciates communication with you or not. His choice and behavior when you are together is a more reliable indicator, along with how strong you feel your connection with him.
It is quite difficult. Because sometimes, if the woman herself does not appreciate the connection, she may not even notice whether the man with whom she is in a relationship appreciates this connection.
So what to do?
We need to look at this person from an objective point of view. Ask yourself: can a man who appreciates a connection with me do what he does every day? Or does his actions point to a person who is seeking approval? Do the actions and decisions of this man reflect a desire to value a relationship with ME and appreciate what we have? Or does his actions reflect the fact that first of all, work, sexual diversity, comfort, or his correctness is important to him?
Remember, think objectively. Look at him from the objective side, without any emotions, and you will understand what this man appreciates. Does he appreciate communication with you? Does he realize the importance and indispensability of communication with a special person, such as you or other family members?
He allows you to manipulate others
To tolerate a man who treats you badly is no better than your terrible attitude towards him. Why? Because we all deserve (and need) the opinions and attention of others.
A woman who is not supported by an intelligent man is potentially dangerous for society and herself. The same thing happens with a man who does not receive feedback from his half. Such people cause inconvenience to others without any consequences, because nobody needs it.
We do not mean punishment. This does not mean that a man should punish you for a terrible attitude or manipulation of others. We mean that you are a person and deserve to be taught how to value other people.
Please learn to distinguish between a man who criticizes your behavior and someone who can support you, to hear and understand, or simply to understand the moral boundaries (which is a very good feature). However, one should not think that if he criticizes you only to be better than you, it is quite possible that he will not be able to help you.
The bottom line is that he must have good intentions - he must have an intention to observe that everything works out for you. You need it. Everybody needs it. It is just a gift. This opens our eyes. It guides us on the right path and teaches us how to love and treat others. Otherwise, we can spend the rest of our lives in a terrible situation, no one wants to interact with us or be near, because someone was not responsive or responsible enough to help us learn to appreciate others.
A man who wants your approval will discredit himself as a man. Do not tolerate it.
A man who values his safety and does not want to go out of his comfort zone may never demand anything more from you, but instead just try to please you. And you really want this?
Yes, it may seem strange, but in no case should you endure it. Why? Because it will lead you to a mediocre standard of living! If a man does not want to develop himself or does not want you to develop, he will not mind if you treat him badly. And he will not make you stop to treat others badly.
Choose a man who will not allow you to do something stupid, because he wants to get something more for you from this life. He demands more from you. To hell with his comfort! Who cares? People are created to grow in soul. You and your man should take care of each other's morals. You should also have standards about how you treat yourself and others.
He does not know what personal hygiene is.
If you spoke to a man about his hygiene, but he refuses to do anything, change his habits, because he "should not" or because he simply does not care, then this is a problem. A person who cannot change his personal hygiene habits may simply not worry about other important things that affect your relationship.
Obviously, a man who loves himself too much to do something with a lack of hygiene potentially exposes you to unnecessary illness. And this is not at all what you want to endure or live with.
Diseases and bacteria everywhere. They are part of our world. But, as a rule, the symptoms of diseases begin to manifest and weaken us precisely when hygiene or living conditions are terrible.
He is not responsible for his decisions and actions.
When something uncomfortable happens, it's always someone's fault. If someone constantly blames others, he either experiences insurmountable stress, or basic instincts are not developed in him, or he just doesn't care.
Do not waste your time on those people who are indifferent to others. Do not try to be close to those who will blame you or avoid responsibility for their actions. If you don’t give a damn about them, it doesn’t mean that they don’t give a damn about you and communicate with you. Perhaps they just need to take everything from you, but not give anything away. In fact, some people by nature do not care about others.
“You should stop behaving like this! If you do not do this, I will not treat you that way! ”Sounds familiar?
Of course, perhaps we could behave better, but if someone says to you: “if you didn’t do this, then I wouldn’t need to act like this / hurt you / punish you / humiliate you”, and really believes in his words, then it is worth saying “good bye!” to this man.
We are all responsible for our attempts to take responsibility for our actions. If someone does not even want to accept something and puts all the blame on you, then he definitely does not suit you.
Sometimes people can't accept the fact that they hurt you. Sometimes they can’t admit that they have played a big role in something bad.
Yes, there are cases when one partner in a relationship has more responsibility than the other: as in a parent-child relationship. Calling a child “problematic”, for example, is not very good. The parent is responsible for the love and influence on his child or for the consequences. A child is just a child. You cannot impose equal blame on him until he reaches the desired level of maturity or understanding.
However, in adult relationships, the boundaries of responsibility are more blurred. This is not to say that our responsibility in adult relationships is 50/50. This is not the case when “well, I took responsibility last time for our fight, which left scars on both of our hearts, so this time it is your responsibility.”
This is not ideal for aspiration, if you trust your partner a little and are still at the stage of creating the foundation of trust. In this case, the distribution of responsibility in the ratio of 50/50, as a rule, is true. However, do not cling to this 50/50 as an immovable rule, because ideally you should strive for the following: the one who comes to life first takes responsibility. Do not wait if you have not yet established trust in the relationship.
However, if only one person in a pair constantly takes responsibility, then nothing will come of this relationship.
For example, if you have a quarrel, when you both insult each other, and you constantly apologize, and he does not even admit that his words hurt you - think about it. Do you want to spend all your life with such a person?
Why is it necessary that the one who comes to his senses after disagreements takes on all the responsibility? Because of freedom. Because of leadership. As a leader, you have more power in a relationship.
Being a brave leader, you can watch if this man is ready to take responsibility and is submissive enough to be inspired by your love shows or not (some men are able to run away and hide from a partner who is more confident and takes responsibility) . And when you act on the part of a leader, you maintain your pride and dignity, and perhaps even self-confidence.
He does not agree with you.
Consent is when a partner shows such qualities as kindness, sensitivity, responsiveness, warmth and care.
Was he kind? Did he show warmth to you? Ask yourself if he ever treated you like that? Because a person can be kind or caring outwardly, but a little warmth can accompany his actions. Do not be fooled. Did this man treat you, pets or someone in your neighborhood with warmth? Do you feel that he cares about you? Did he prove his care by any actions?
A man who does not show consent is likely to have a personality that is known in psychology as a dark triad. The dark triad consists of such personality traits as narcissism, makiavellism (cunning) and psychopathy. Men, whose identity falls into the dark triad, are also more likely to chase you (if you're interested).
Important: most of us are able to actively switch our emotions from carelessness to those whom we do not trust and with whom we don’t want to communicate, to be warm and loving towards the one we love. It is necessary to observe how warm a man can be towards not only you, but also his mother, his father, his pets, his children (if he has children) and his competitors.
Sometimes a cold person can change and begin to show love, compassion, and also have new experiences and incentives for him.
But do you want to become one who will change it?
He has no real passions and male goals.
Repetitive patterns of anger are not necessarily a sign of passion. Indignation is also not passion. Learn to distinguish between anger and real passion.
Yes, anger can be a sign of passion, but not when he only shows anger in order to give himself a slight but fake sense of superiority.
Sometimes a man uses anger because he has no other decent way to cope with life situations, and you probably should not leave him without further thought, because he may not be guilty of his behavior. You really need to take the time to think carefully about whether you can help him if you are kind, encouraging him when he is angry, or show love when he is angry, or share his female healing energy with him when he is angry.
Sometimes all our attempts to donate our emotions to a partner can be blocked or ignored. In such cases, you should not put up with it. Some people are too distant to respond to your efforts to share their loving feminine energy.
We all create ways to cope with life. You can help him see that this is your coping mechanism, and let him know that you love him as he is and that everything will be all right.
Most men are likely to respond to your love attempts to prevent their anger. And if he reacts regularly, and over time becomes less secure, or his patterns of anger become less and less intense, then you can continue this relationship until you decide that it's all over.
However, remember that any man you meet probably has decades of practice with a particular pattern of behavior. Any man with whom you communicate already has many years of experience in dealing with complex emotions. You can try to help him or change him, with the proviso that no one creates lasting changes without drastic changes in their environment, and without you and other people who cannot tolerate his particular behavior.
You should not tolerate a man whose models of anger - this is what he wants to save.
And with a man whose models of anger were designed specifically to be always right, without regret or taking into account the other person’s point of view, relationships can be very painful in order to endure him for the rest of his life.
Anger vs. Passion: True Passion is the case when you are ready to make an effort. Passion is what you care about. Passions are situations where you experience great discomfort while pursuing and achieving goals. Passions are beliefs for which you are ready to die. Passions shout at us to give something to the world. Passions are created to create and express themselves.
Without these emotions, your relationship will lose its appeal over time. You can lose respect for him.
What does it mean to “not tolerate” the actions of a man?
Let's clarify the meaning of the word "endure." What does it mean to not tolerate the above six behaviors in a man? This does not necessarily mean that you should part with it immediately. Unless, of course, you have already made this decision, and the article just helped clarify all the nuances.
It may take time for you to think it over. Watch him from an objective point of view.
This may mean that more research is needed. You may have to interview other people who know what they think of him. Do they trust him? Is he warm to them? What happened in his past relationship? You may have to study his posts in social networks and think about the impression his messages make on the average user.
In any case, this means that such behavior should not continue to exist in your relationship. This means that you need to adhere to their beliefs, since you value your time, which is limited. This means that you value your energy, which is also finite. You do not have to live forever with someone who repeatedly proves that for a long time is not suitable for this relationship.
A relationship with an unsuitable person can teach you to value your life, but only if you stop and realize what they have taught you.
Be sure to trust your instincts. Always check with your heart, not your head. And feel how much you trust a man. Do not ignore what your instincts suggest. Be honest with yourself. Are you desperate? Do you feel lonely?
If you are very lonely, bad men will attract you, and you will be less accurate in your assumptions, because you want something for yourself (there is nothing wrong with that), however, your despair can easily overshadow the truth.