Feeling lonely is not always bad. Sometimes loneliness is given to us so that we understand something for ourselves. Even so: it is always nice. We need it in order to take some time off from society and to work on reflection, to think about what we want in life. Because at this pace of life, you do not always have time to even set some big goals and go to them. Through a huge number of cases, because of the tension, you do not see how to develop further.
Unpleasant feelings should not in any way cause you to. Everything has its time. So loneliness has come to you for a reason. Sometimes something bad has to happen in our lives in order for us to become better.
What should be done to properly use this stage of life and get rid of suffering? Our expert Marina Dokuchaeva helps with this question.
There is a feeling of loneliness primarily because the real situation does not coincide with the life plan or the idea of the ideal state of affairs. Roughly speaking, by the age of 30 you dreamed of having three children, a husband and all. And you are 29, and this is not yet. Then it turns out that you yourself begin to punish yourself.
It is important to understand that when you are struggling to drive yourself into what you are experiencing - in a sense of psycho-emotional dissatisfaction, a sense of lack of demand, or of your personal insolvency - then you start engaging in self-blame. You wind yourself up even more, rich imagination turns on. And people themselves are punished as no one can punish them.
The most important thing is to change the attitude towards loneliness. It is gratefully accepted to accept it, because it gives us the opportunity to correct mistakes, reconsider priorities and ideals.
Work out mistakes
Loneliness is natural, you made the same mistakes. If you correct them, then there will be no more of this feeling. You may even start to miss him.
It is necessary to reflect, think over your behavior, over your life. To work out the mistakes that you probably made before you find yourself in this state. Sometimes it is worthwhile to read some psychological literature. If you feel that you cannot help yourself, contact a psychologist. Because the expert's opinion helps a lot to reveal “blind spots”, something that you don’t notice in yourself.
When you begin to understand what was wrong, there will be a feeling of relief. There will be a feeling of liberation and understanding. Then you will come to awareness - you will live more consciously.
Start the immediate struggle
Everything should be step by step here - this is required by the mind of any healthy person. Don't immediately run to the party, they say, I understood everything, and it doesn’t matter that I don’t know half of these people and they don’t interest me. Such fun will lead you to a sense of desolation.
Gradual adaptation to a new quality of life may look like this. First we call our best friend and meet, and talk about life, about our problems and plans. She tells us about her. In general, my friends, if they are good, honest and wonderful people, they definitely conduct psychotherapy sessions, for this they do not even need a psychologist. The next morning you will not have this global feeling of loneliness. Self-flagella fade into the background. The next thing we do: we can get together with a whole company of girlfriends and also talk about something.
As for men. If we are talking about loneliness without a partner, then, having worked through these first two stages, you should not immediately begin to go on all dates, so that, again, there is no feeling of desolation. You can start flirting with men, smile more, and start paying attention to them. Over time, when you realize that you are ready for a new relationship and at least a little started to change personally - only then you have to start accepting dates and going to them.
Remember that self-flagellation is a waste of an astronomical amount of nervous energy, and the resource is not replenished. This can lead to depression, neurosis, and mental and health problems. Therefore, it is better to enjoy life and everything that comes into it, to be philosophical.