Something you alerted to the behavior of your husband? It is common for all of us from time to time to doubt and be afraid of being deceived. How do you want in such moments, by all means find out the truth, but direct questions do not give full confidence that you answered honestly. Psychologists say that there are several simple techniques with which you can understand whether a person is lying to you or not.
Ask clarifying questions
If a lie is not carefully thought out, which happens only extremely rarely and in very sophisticated liars, then the person cannot provide all the details. Ask more clarifying questions, try to figure out the details. Perhaps your partner will not be able to answer some of them, or if he is entangled in his own lies, he will answer the same question about the same trivia in a different way.
Ask trap questions
Trap questions are a way to manipulate a person. The question is formulated in such a way that you voice some of your suspicions, but do it in the form of an assumption. The liar is likely to fall into this trap and give himself away if not by a direct answer, then by his violent reaction.
So, for example, if your husband tells you that he has found a job, and you suspect that he is deceiving you, then the trap question will sound something like this: “What if I call you at work and they tell me what don't they know you there? ”
Watch for a change in his posture.
Before asking questions that interest you, look carefully at his posture, and ask a few neutral questions. Take a mental picture and pay attention to which elements of his posture will remain unchanged. These can be, for example, folded hands or hands hidden in a pocket, a leg thrown over the other leg, and so on. These unchanging elements of posture are called "sleeping points."
When a person is calm and believes that he is in control of the situation, sleeping points remain at rest when answering neutral questions, even if the person moves. But, as soon as you ask an uncomfortable question for him, his autonomic nervous system will most likely give an instant signal and the sleeping points will wake up - he will instinctively drastically change their position.
Watch his facial expressions and gestures.
Most likely, you know how active the gesticulation of your husband is in the state of ordinary conversation or simple conversation, and what his facial expressions are. In this case, any obvious deviations from the norm will indicate that the person is hiding something. He can gesticulate very actively or, on the contrary, practically stiffen. The whole thing is again in the autonomic nervous system.
The most indicative here is the so-called “Pinocchio syndrome”. Recall that in this fabulous character the nose increased with each lie. Surprisingly, psychologists confirm that a lying person will touch his nose much more often. For example, Bill Clinton at the hearing of the case of Monica Lewinsky touched his nose 26 times.
Try to provoke the interlocutor
Even if the liar thought out his story perfectly and even perfectly controls his facial expressions and gestures, then the spontaneous provocative question is likely to catch him unawares and help you to seize the initiative. Try to interrupt his story with questions in the spirit: “Why are you so tense, are you hiding something?”
And then look at the reaction of your interlocutor. If his behavior noticeably changes, he becomes nervous, will get off or leave the answer altogether, overly emotionally reacting, perhaps your fears are not groundless.
Trust is the most beautiful thing in a relationship. In order to draw conclusions a person lies to you or not, based on the above techniques, you need to know him very well to be sure that you can correctly interpret his reactions. In some cases, these techniques actually help you to make sure that your suspicions are justified, or vice versa - to breathe easier.
Ideally, these techniques are best used only as a supplement to a frank and frank conversation with your partner.