This is no ordinary parting advice, we will not tell you how to return the former. Instead, we are going to tell you that you don’t need to waste your time and energy on someone who just doesn’t love you.
We need to stop confusing love with passion. We think that having a kind of “animal magnetism” is equated with someone to love, and maybe even to kindred souls.
As women, we are preconfigured to associate this behavior with love, not passion. Passion is for one night, it is not a man who cannot be far away from you for more than a day, and who cannot take his eyes off a woman, right? Not.
Let's start with a little story
“I was madly and irrevocably in love with my ex-boyfriend. When he broke up with me, I broke down. I became a crazy ex-girlfriend, which I thought could not be like.
I am strong and independent, but nevertheless, I behaved like a stupid girl, holding on to his every message and tried in every way to be in touch with him. Doing something for him when the other is not going to be, and letting me treat me like rubbish was my motto.
I tried my best to move on. I believed that he would contact me, or I would contact him and we, having spent several weeks together, would get along great again.
But it lasted longer than I wanted, and one day he just disappeared without saying a word. It turns out he even moved.
Looking back, I am grateful to him. He has never been in love with me. Of course, he said the opposite and, perhaps, believed in it himself, but to believe that you can leave someone you really love is difficult.
A loving person will stay and try to solve problems. He will not put the one he loves in the position of a crazy, obsessed ex-girlfriend. If the former had ever truly felt love for me, he would not have forced me to go through it. We would understand as adults.
The reason why the former broke up with me was insignificant. I'm not going to pay attention to her. I know that the fact is that he left because he did not love me.
If he simply acknowledged this, I would have refused to try to get him back, and we could have avoided this unnecessary drama. That was all I really needed.
While I thought he loved me, I believed that everything could be fixed. Maybe if I just tried, everything could be back to square one. We could be happy.
As soon as I realized that he does not love me, I no longer wanted to be with him. This is what you need to understand. "
The man who left you didn't love. People do not destroy what they love. And it is painful and not easy to accept. This does not mean that something is wrong with you or with him. This means that you do not fit each other. If there is no love, there is nothing to fight for.
The problem is that we confuse love with passion.
The girl who told the story, she said, never felt like that man: “He kissed me, as if he longed for it. As if this was the last time we saw each other. The way he leaned on my forehead between kisses. How he couldn’t take his hands off me. He made me feel special. As if I'm the only girl in the world for him. As if he needed me with all the fibers of the soul. "
That is why she became so unholyly obsessed and confused his passion with a feeling of love.
“I thought it was just for me, that it was his feelings for me that caused such a return. The truth is, he kisses every girl like that. This is just who he is. He kisses passionately. He is a passionate guy. Unfortunately, this passion never caused the love that would burn for me the way I wanted. This is the reality that I now understand, and this clarity has helped me move further from all this confusion. ”
Many of us have this romantic idea that we must have this crazy, magnetic attraction to the person with whom we should be. That love without passion is not real, it is not a "bond of the soul." The fact is that true love can be boring at times, but that doesn't make it any less real.
Do not waste your time trying to fix a bad relationship with your ex, who cared badly for you that he left crying. Do not suffer just because you are afraid that you will never find this connection again.
Instead, take your time accepting what he doesn't like and if you step back, everything will be fine. Without it, everything will be fine. You can be so happy.
But you will never be happy if you are absorbed in thoughts of “what could have been” and anxiety on the topic “what could you have done differently”.
The answers are simple. You could not do anything differently, and it would not continue. Because he did not like. If he loved, he would have been there and never gone.
“I share this in the hope that it will prevent someone else from becoming a crazy ex-girlfriend and going through months or even years of psychological torment. I hope you will do better for yourself. If he breaks up with you, make the final decision once and for all. If he writes messages and wants to see you, do not reply. Don't figure out the relationship.
And for God's sake, do not write to him, do not meddle in his apartment, do not look for him on Facebook, and under no circumstances follow his new love.
Find another way or another person to fill your time. You thank me (and yourself) for that later. "