Just yesterday, I met in a cafe with my friend Julia. I must say, I admire her. Yulia is slightly over 30, she is a mother of a charming 10-year-old daughter, builds a successful career, earns well and looks great. What prevaricate, Julia - just a beauty, in the wake of which men fold their necks.
Everything on this list would be perfect, but Julia is not married. No, her daughter has a visiting dad who regularly pays alimony and takes her on Sundays, but Julia's family life did not work with him, they divorced 7 years ago.
When it comes to men, relationships and family life, in the Yulkina eyes something dims and a barely visible shadow runs through. The main problem of all successful divorced women is that they do not want any connections with the opposite sex. The very zone of solitude and comfort comes when such a man as the former was not needed, and with the rest everything is very difficult - a lot of lapping, a complete change of one’s own life and adjustment for another person. As they say, it is better to be alone than with anyone.
The syndrome honors in family life
Julia has always been an “excellent girl”: she went to school approximately, graduated from the institute with the red diploma, immediately after the 5th year she married the first handsome on the stream, a year later she gave birth to a daughter. It seems to be, here it is, the female dream - a wedding, beloved husband, family and child.
But, as soon as this dream came true, Julia began to lose herself. She lived in a constant adjustment mode under her husband and the desire to be perfect in everything: the ideal mother, wife, mistress. Her house was always in perfect order, the daughter was an exemplary child, in her bed Julia was like a real port girl, and at other times she was kind, gentle and affectionate with her husband. She always tried to be understanding, wise, intelligent and condescending. Julia was comfortable. The husband quickly began to get used to it, and then he completely considered his wife, who was always ready and ready for everything, as a matter of course.
Everything fell on the fragile Yulina's shoulders: taking care of her daughter, cleaning, cooking, repairing sinks, replacing broken teapots and irons, running repairs and estimating income and expenses. Her husband’s duty was to bring money from work and drink beer in front of the television in the evenings. Yulia did not understand and did not remember who she really is, what she wants, what she dreams of, because every second of her thoughts and time was occupied by something else, but not by herself.
And then everything went on thumb. Yulin's inner drive was overflowing, at one point she fell over and began to argue to her husband everything that does not suit her. He was terribly surprised, did an uncomprehending face, and claimed that yesterday everything was fine. Julia became more and more angry, dissatisfaction with each other intensified, growing into quarrels and scandals.
“He just didn't appreciate you.”
This whole story ended in divorce. Without threats, sharing of property and child. Just a quiet calm divorce, if you can call it that. Now Julia communicates with her ex-husband as a good acquaintance, solving mainly questions on the upbringing of her daughter. She is successful, self-sufficient, intelligent and beautiful. She knows her worth and is able to enjoy life.
But sometimes, at the moments of our frank conversations, Yulia admits that if she immediately began to tell her husband what she did not like and want to change, and not when the point of no return was already passed, if she had not tried to make herself as an ideal woman and did not drive herself into the framework of perfectionism, if she had not built Mother Teresa from herself, then everything in their family could have been different.
“What are you, Julia! He is just a fool and could not appreciate you, ”I exclaimed in response to her words. Julia thought for a moment and looked somewhere off into the distance. "Of course, I could not," she replied, and headed for the exit from the cafe. Beautiful, dazzling, confident, proud and insanely lonely.